Never Again
by Jen2261
Summary: Oneshot. Joanne swore to herself she would never let herself be in that situation again. Never again but...... Rated T. Based on the theme of the song Again by Janet Jackson.


**A/N: I was listening to the Janet Jackson song Again the other day and this popped in my mind because I thought it sounded so much like our beloved MoJo. So the story came from the song but you don't neccessarily have to know the song to read the story. Anyway this is something different for me. Hope you enjoy it. If not then......Ah Well I tried. Sue Me!**

**Disclaimer: Although I am obsessed with both John's beautiful creation RENT and pretty much any Janet Jackson song. I Own Nothing....it bums me out.**

Never Again

_**---Joanne POV**_

"Don't do this again....please" I begged as tears welled up in my eyes. Slowly I took three steps back, wrapping my arms around my body as I closed my eyes, doing my best to stop the tears. Hearing the footsteps coming towards me my eyes snapped back open, landing on her as she walked towards me. "No" I whispered taking a few more steps back as she shut the door and walked towards me.

"Joanne...." She said softly, causing more tears to spill from my eyes. I hadn't heard her voice in so long. The sound of my name coming from her lips made me bite my bottom lip. "Baby..." She whispered reaching me and pulling me towards her, wrapping her arms around me.

"No Maureen.....I-I can't" I stuttered between tears pushing myself away from her. Her arms felt so good wrapped around me but I couldn't do it. I refused to let myself fall under her spell that I had sucumbed to so many times before. So many times that I had lost count.

"Joanne please. I'm sorry" She begged, her eyes glossy looking as if she was struggling to keep her own tears at bay. I closed my eyes again, shaking my head as I turned away from her. I couldn't see her in pain. If I did I would give in. I would wrap my arms around her, kiss her forehead and tell her everything was okay. I would do what I always did but this time I couldn't. I wouldn't.

"Maureen....leave. Please I can't do this right now" I said, my back still turned to her. I closed my eyes and waited to hear the door open. Instead I heard her sigh followed by the springs in the couch move.

"No" I heard simply. I turned around to look at her. She sat in front of me on the couch, her elbows on her knees, her slouching figure and her face in her hands.

"Maureen. Please don't do this" I said through clenched teeth looking at her. She didn't move. She didn't reply. She just sat there. "Please" I added in a whisper, my eyes staring at my feet on floor. Still there was no response complete silence. This time I decided against disrupting it. I looked over at her again. She hadn't budged from her spot. Her body still slouched with her face in her hands. I tore my eyes away and forced myself to look at the wall to my left. After a few more seconds of silence it was finally broken.

"Joanne....." She said softly. So softly I had wasn't exactly sure my name had spilled from her lips. Subconsciously my eyes snapped to her form. She was staring at me now, tears running down her cheeks. Her beautiful hazel eyes staring into mine. I felt myself being pulled into them. I knew it was only a matter of seconds before I would fall into the trap if I stayed that way. No I wouldn't do it. Forcing myself to blink I sighed and looked away.

"Joanne.....baby." She repeated my name as I turned back to her and watched her stand to her feet. She walked towards me and I took a few steps back. However my steps were nowhere near as long as hers were and soon she was in front of me, her hands wrapped around me and pulling my body into hers.

"No. Maureen stop" I begged, not wanting to feel her arms. I pushed against her but she simply held on tighter, her face buried into the crook of my neck. I fought harder but she simply tightened her grip. This went on for about a minute or so. Me pulling away and her pulling me back almost instantly. "Let me go" I growled, close to tears now, doing my best to ignore the wetness on my neck from her tears.

"No not until you listen to me." She mumbled into my neck, still not letting up on the death grip she had around me. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything Joanne. The flirting. The cheating. The arguing. The screaming. Everything I ever did wrong I'm apologizing for. I'm sorry for leaving you the way I did. I didn't want to hurt you but I didn't know what else to do" She said, my own tears now flowing freely down my cheeks, a few landing on her shoulder.

"You're sorry? Oh so just because you're sorry I'm just supposed to forgive you and we can jump right back into where we left off" I yelled, finally muttering enough strength to push her off me. She stumbled back but caught herself before she hit the ground. "No! I'm tired of forgiving you. My heart won't let me anymore." I said staring at her. I tried to put a cold look into my eyes, I really did but I don't think it was working too well. Especially with tears still spilling out my eyes I was pretty sure I just look hurt and upset.

"So you won't forgive me? Ever?" Maureen whispered, her eyes on the floor. I watched a few tears from her eyes drop and land on the carpet. I couldn't believe how much we were crying. I hadn't cried this hard since my grandmother died when I was eight years old. I was pretty sure I hadn't seen Angel ever cry this hard. At least not since Collins' death.

"Maureen how could I. You said you hated me and never wanted to see my face before packing your stuff and leaving. I tried to call the loft but you wouldn't come to the phone. Even when I came over you refused to leave Roger's room...." I yelled, becoming enraged that she was actually trying to make me feel like she was the victim here.

"Now that I'm finally able to say your name without choking up. Look at a picture of you without wincing and able to sleep through a whole night without holding myself crying..... now you want me to let you back in my life?" I screamed at the top of my lungs staring at her. She just stood there with her head still down. Looking a like a lost puppy or something. She couldn't even look at me. Couldn't even make eye contact with me to give me any indication that she even cared about what I went through when she walked out the door and out of my life. My heart was broken into a million pieces inside my chest entraped in a block of ice and it was all because of Maureen Johnson.

"I'm finally able to let you go! Finally able to move on and you come crawling back. Well you know what Maureen? I'm over you! I'm so over you and there is nothing you can do to change that. I hate you. I hate what you did to me! I wish you would just leave me alone for the rest of my life. I don't love you anymore...." I said breaking into heavy sobs. I felt my knees give out and fell on my knees onto the carpet, my eyes shut as I struggled to breath through my tears. In an instant I felt her arms around me, her now kneeling in front of me with my body pressed close to hers.

"I hate you so much!" I screamed again, my body collapsing against her and burying my face in her neck.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry" I heard her whisper in my ear over and over again as I continued to cry into her neck.

"I hate what you did to me. How much you hurt me! I hate how much I'm in love with you and I can't get over it" I mumbled into her neck. I felt her grip on me tighten for a few seconds before she pulled away and looked me in my eyes.

"I made a mistake. I promise it will never happen again. I really do love you" She said as she reached up to wipe the tears from my cheeks which was a waste of time seeing as new ones quickly replaced them.

"I swear Maureen. If I give you another chance and you hurt me I'll-" I began but before I could finish she shook her head and cut me off.

"I won't. I swear on my life I won't" Maureen said and grabbed my face, pressing her lips to mine, our tears now mixing in a salty mess. I opened my mouth to recieve her tongue and she tilted her head to gain more access, her hands moving to wrap around my neck and pulling me closer. I felt her tug on my bottom lip before going back to kissing me. Here I was, once again in the same position I always seemed to be in. The position I told myself that I wouldn't let myself ever be again. Oh how I hated her and loved her at the same time. I swore I'd never fall in love with her again. And yet.....I felt the ice around my heart slowly beginning to melt.


End file.
